Suprise in the Mail
by Jedi Mara Jade
Summary: Sephiroth finds a package on his doorstep. What could it be? Read and find out!
1. Default Chapter

Surprise in the Mail  
  
Disclaimers: I do not own any of these characters and I am not making any profit what so ever so, this is just for fun.  
  
Thank you's: I would like to thank my little sister for helping me write this story. We both worked on it together. I'd also like to thank Skippy for the idea of the use of the name Bun Bun. It's late at night as I'm writing this so if it doesn't make sense, well you know...plus this is the first thing I've written. Yeah, I know it's pretty bad, but at the moment I find it funny.  
  
  
  
One spring day Sephiroth was quietly resting. He was glad to have some Sephy time to his self; he really had been missing that "me" time. Now that he had come back from the Lifestream and decided to not hold grudges against Avalanche. He was really enjoying sitting on his butt eating cookies. He closed his eyes and began to drift off into sleepy land. "Chocolate chip cookies.mmmmmmmmmhhh.mmm."he began to mumble in his sleepy state. Scratch, scratch, scratch.the annoying sound woke him up with a jolt. "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" he screamed as he ran around in circles. He grabbed his massive sword and headed toward the door in a fury. He thrust it open and began slashing at whatever lay at the other side. He finally stopped long enough to look down at what was causing his lack of sleep. It was a package.  
  
"OOOOOHHHHH..cookies I bet!" He began to rip the package open when a thought occurred to him. "Cookies don't make scratching noises!!" he said aloud. "Or do they? Maybe it's a new type of cookie with sound effects! Or Cloud could have sent me a cookie bomb..nah, I think we're cool now..or are we.hmmmmm??" Sephy couldn't resist the temptation any longer. There just might be a cookie in the package so he had to open it. He ripped open the package only to find the cutest, fuzziest, bunny he had ever set eyes on. And it was pink!!! How adorable! "Wahoo hoo.it's the second best thing to a cookie! I have a new friend and maybe this is even better than a cookie. I just want to hold him and cuddle him and squeeze him all over! I'll name you Bun Bun!" He bent down to touch the silky, fluffiness of its pale pink coat. He got closer and saw there was foam coming out of its mouth. "It must be hungry," he thought. It's drooling cause it has been in that package without food. He went inside and was about to get some cookies when it occurred to him that you shouldn't waste cookies on a bunny, even if it is all pink, fluffy, and so cuddly. So, he pulled out some crackers. He reached his arm toward the cabinet and glanced down. He then noticed something pink and fuzzy on his arm. "Oh my! I need to shave!" he thought. "But, since when is my hair pink?"  
  
"Grrrrrrr!!!" He heard coming from his pink fuzzy spot. It was the bunny! "Oh you must be really hungry! I'm sorry I kept you waiting out there. How inconsiderate of me! Please, come inside.oh wait.you are inside and you're on my arm." Sephy took a cracker out of the Keebler box. He then noticed the bunny's mouth was attached and it was impossible to insert the cracker into Bun Bun's mouth. "ARRRAHHHH!!!" he screamed like a 8 year old girl. "I'd better call someone to get this thing off of me..it doesn't match my pants! This is a disaster! I know! I can call those Keebler Elves who make the crackers! They surely will know how to get him off or her or whatever off of me. At the same time they can feed it a cracker. Hey, I think they make cookies too! Maybe they'll send me cookies! Then both Bun Bun and me will be happy.  
  
Sephiroth searched the cracker box for the Elve's phone number, and found a number which said customer service. "I've never heard of an elf called customer service, but hey he's the only one who left a number on my box." Sephy said to himself. He picked up the phone with his free arm and dialed. "Welcome to Keebler customer service. Please press one if you would like to know about our snack product lines. Press two if you are would like to give compliments on our products. Press three if you would like to file a complaint. Press four if.." And on and on and on it went. Sephy stayed on the phone for over an hour with those same three choices rotating around and around. "When are they going to give the one about bunnies and crackers?" Sephy asked himself and Bun Bun. Finally he hangs up the phone, disgusted that there is not a number for bunny problems.  
  
After another hour or so, Bun Bun finally decided to detach himself from Sephiroth's arm. "Now I can give you a cracker!" Sephiroth exclaimed. He reached for the box and shoved a cracker into Bun Bun's mouth. Bun Bun liked the cracker, but he also liked Sephy's arm and bit down on that too. "What is your problem??? Oh, I get it..you're mad cause you didn't get a cookie. I don't really like crackers that much at all either. I'm sorry I tried to trick you. Okay, you can have a cookie now." Sephy reached into the sacred cookie jar and pulled out the mother of all cookies, the great, one and only chocolate chip cookie. He put it in front of Bun Bun, or at least he thought he did and he noticed Bun Bun had disappeared! Where had the cuddly ball of fluff gone to?  
  
* Where did Bun Bun go? Will Sephiroth ever find Bun Bun again? Does he even want to find Bun Bun? Do you want him to find Bun Bun? Find out in the next chapter if I feel like writing it. It's late at night and don't know what I'm thinking as I wrote this. Hopefully the next chapter will be longer too.* 


	2. 2: Where is Bun Bun?

Surprise in the Mail  
  
Chapter 2:Where is Bun Bun?  
  
Disclaimers: I do not own any of these characters and I am not making any profit what so ever so, this is just for fun.  
  
Thank you's: I would like to thank my little sister for helping me write this story. We both worked on it together. I'd also like to thank Skippy for the idea of the use of the name Bun Bun. It's late at night as I'm writing this so if it doesn't make sense, well you know...plus this is the first thing I've written. Yeah, I know it's pretty bad, but at the moment I find it funny.  
  
Sephiroth desperately searched his house for Bun Bun. He looked everywhere he thought possible. He even searched the toilet, but no to avail, the bunny could still not be found. Sephiroth decided that it was sad he lost the bunny, but it was okay because this way there would be more cookies for him. He decided to call it night. He went to his bedroom and slowly lowered himself onto his bed. As soon as his butt touched the bed, he heard a loud squeal, something like this, "EEEEEEEEEE GRRRRRRRLLLL". He jolted from his bed and found a clump of pink fur attached by very sharp teeth. He recognized the clump as Bun Bun, who was attached by his sharp teeth and claws. Sephorith screamed in pain and ran like a little girl around the room. He went to the phone and was going to call the Keebler elves, but then he thought about how slow they were last time. So, he decided to call the next best thing, Cloud. "Oh, Cloud will help me!." He thought, "He beat me so surely he can beat a defenseless bunny!"  
  
He hurriedly dialed Cloud's number at his Villa at Costa de Sol. After about eight rings the answering machine picked up. Sephiroth, being in such a panic, thought it was really Cloud talking to him at the moment. The answering machine said, "Hey, what's up? You've reached Cloud Strife and company. We're not available at the moment so leave a message and we'll get back to you." "Beeeeeepp."  
  
"Cloud, Cloud!", Sephiroth screamed into the receiver. You've got to help me. Remember all those times I helped you? Well, maybe you don't but I did. I have a little/big problem. The bad thing is there is a bunny stuck to my butt. The good thing is that he's cute and fuzzy, and his name is Bun Bun. I thought you could help since you saved the world and everything. So, what do you say? :silence: "Ummm..maybe you didn't heard me. I said there is a bunny on my bum bum and he's all cute and pink and I need you to come get him off. So, when are you coming over?" :silence: Sephiroth now screams into the receiver, "That's it!! Now you will die for ignoring the mighty Sephiroth! Mwhhhaaaaaa!!! Mwhaaaaaa!!!" Just as Sephy was about to hang up he heard a voice on the other end.  
  
"What yo want foo?!" Sephiroth shouted back, "Finally Cloud! What were you doing, fixing your hair?." "What yo talking bout foo? I was not fixin my hair. Do you think it need fixin? If you do we might have a problem!!!" Barret yelled into the receiver.  
  
Sephiroth was surprised at this judgement, "Sorry Cloud! I love your hair; you know that! The only thing that is sexier than your hair is this Bun Bun's fluffy pink coat. I have to say, he fights a lot like you do, dirty."  
  
Barret was surprised that some idot thought he was Cloud. "Look foo, Cloud ain't here. Who are you and want do you want foo?"  
  
"I want Cloud to get Bun Bun off of me NOW!!!" Sephiroth screamed.  
  
"Who is Bun Bun you foo? What yo talking bout?" Barret yelled.  
  
"You don't know the great Bun Bun?" Sephy questioned him.  
  
"No, I don't know no bunny bun, you idot," Barret told him.  
  
"Forget you!" Sephy screamed at him and then hung up.  
  
"Stupid prank callers! I'll get those foos sometime!" Barret mumbled.  
  
"Who was that?" Cloud asked.  
  
"Some foo talking about bunnies," Barret told him.  
  
"Bunnies? I want a bunny! Barret! Why did you hang up on them? I've been wanting a bunny for so long and here was my chance! It probably was the pet store. I called them last week. I told them to call me when they got the cutest, fluffiest, bunny in they have ever seen." Cloud scolded him. "I'll just star 69 them I guess. It's okay Barret; you didn't know." Cloud pickes up the receiver and presses star 69.  
  
"Hello!!!" he hears an insane voice on the other end of the line.  
  
"Yeah, ummm, did you just call here? This is Cloud Strife, and I was told a man called talking about bunnies."  
  
"Thank goodness Cloud! What took you so long? You know I didn't mean that crack about your hair, right? I love your hair! It's all cool like Bun Bun's but not as silky. You use too much jell." Sephiroth said hurriedly.  
  
"Sephiroth!!???" Cloud yelled into the receiver, "You work at the pet store? Oh, and thanks for the compliment on my hair. Yeah, I try to keep it real."  
  
"No, I don't work.." Sephiroth stopped abruptly and thought to himself, "Hmmm..he thinks I work at the pet store. I can give him Bun Bun if he can get it off me or I can find a way to get it off me. No, wait! I'll sell him Bun Bun for cookies! He doesn't know Bun Bun is evil, and he'll be mesmorized by the silkiness of his pink fuzzy fur."  
  
"Seph, are you there?" Cloud asked.  
  
"Yes, right here!" Sephiroth replied, "Sorry, I can't stop petting this lovely bunny that I picked out for you. It's just so cute! Aren't you the cutest.AHHHHH!!! Stop it Bun Bun!"  
  
"What was that?" Cloud questioned him, "That didn't sound like a nice bunny."  
  
"No, no, that was the other bunny. He's not too nice, but don't worry, I'm going to maybe sell you the pink fuzzy one," Sephy thought this plan was just delightful.  
  
"PINK, FUZZY!!!?????" Cloud couldn't believe his ears! This was his lucky day! He was going to get a pink, fuzzy bunny! "How much you want for him Sephiroth?"  
  
"I never thought you'd ask. I want all the cookies in your cabinet!" Sephy demanded. He thought to himself, "His cabinet must be full of cookies since he has so many visitors and people living there all the time. I have hit the jackpot!"  
  
"Is that really what you want?" Cloud was confused, he looked in his cabinets and found only half a cookie, and it was VERY stale. "Red must have eaten them all.." he thought to himself. He told Sephy, "Yeah, it's a deal!"  
  
"I'll ship him first class mail today!" Said Sephiroth. "Bye!" Seph was now faced with his last problem. Getting Bun Bun to detach himself. Sephiroth knows the bunny would hate to get the silky coat nasty so he decides to go sit in a dirty choboco pin full of mud and many other things I'd rather not mention. Let's just say they came from the choboco. Sephiroth started to sit in the mud, when Bun Bun squealed. He detatched himself, and Sephiroth put him in his empty cookie jar. "MMMMMMMWWWAHHAHHAHA!!!" I have you now."  
  
2 days later........in Cloud's Villa on Costa De Sol  
  
:buzz: "I'll get it!" Said Tiffa. "It's a package and it's for you Cloud."  
  
"Move out of the way!!!" Cloud nearly knocked Tiffa into the wall. He grabbed the package and started ripping it open. "It's my bunny! I just know it!"  
  
"Bunny?" Tiffa questioned him. "I thought we'd agreed no pets cause you wouldn't let me have a cat. What makes you think you can have a .." Tiffa now sees the cute, pink, fuzzy bunny. "Ohhhhhh!!! How cute Cloud!"  
  
"I thought you'd change your mind! And feel him, he's so silky!" Cloud exclaimed!  
  
Cloud bent down just as Sephiroth had before to touch the pink silkiness. As soon as him arm was one foot near the bunny it lashed out and attached itself to Cloud's beautiful hair. Cloud's scream could be heard all the way in the lifestream. """"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not my beautiful hair!!!". A "MWWAAHHAHAHHHH!!" could be heard in the distance.  
  
THE END!  
  
*So, what did you think? Pretty messed up huh? What was I thinking? I don't know. I was just bored. So review if you like, and don't be too harsh!* 


End file.
